The weight of Infertility and the joy of Adoption
Five years ago my life was about to change forever and I was oblivious. Feb. 12, 2014 came and went and meant nothing to me. Little did I know that in 7 days I would get a phone call that would rock my world.
Our third child was wanted and prayed for, I was ecstatic when I saw that we were pregnant. But The joy was short lived. Feb 2013 we miscarried about 6 weeks into the pregnancy. I was devastated. We had been blessed with 2 healthy pregnancies and now had 2 boys but suddenly we were dealing with an infertility diagnosis. It was a very painful journey. I asked God lots of questions and cried lots of tears. I specifically asked him over and over again, “why did you give me a desire for more children if I can’t have (birth) them?” God in his graciousness did grow our family, His way, thru adoption.
Fast forward to summer of 2013 we did lots of praying and realized we were called to pursue foster care. We became foster parents thru Lancaster County Children and Youth because we wanted to grow our family. But God is so good. He uses our desires for His good. He puts His desires into our hearts and then works in ways we don’t understand to fulfill them. We thought foster care was to grow our family. We soon realized it was not about us. (I could write a whole blog post on that statement.) The purpose of us being foster parents was NOT about keeping babies but rather loving them with an open hand as well as loving and building relationship with their birth moms.
Back to Feb 2014. I’ll never forget the day I got the call. My arms were aching with the weight of emptiness. It was the one year mark of our miscarriage and I felt the loss very deeply. I answered the phone and was greeted by a caseworker who said there is a seven day old baby boy who needs a home. Would we be willing to take him?
My heart nearly exploded and after getting more information, I hung up and promptly proceeded to cry. I cried and cried, tears of joy. I loved that baby already. I had been waiting for him to come into my life for a whole year. I was scared too. What did it mean to have a “drug baby”? What would it mean if I fell in love and had to give him back? Lots and Lots of questions flooded me but they were overruled by a deep desire to go bring that baby home.
One wonderful thing about telling a story that happened years ago is the ability to fast forward through all the painful parts. I am so glad I don’t have to relive those 2.5 years of loving and releasing. Twice we were told he was leaving us. I wept tears of sorrow but God gave me the grace to open my hand to Him and His plan, even if it meant taking my sweet baby and giving him back to his birth mom. She loved him very much so that was a comfort, but I needed to work thru my stuff too. In the end she was unable to provide him (or herself) the consistent care that was needed.
It was with bittersweet joy that we adopted our son Sep. 2016. Bittersweet because his birth mom was heartbroken. But we were filled with great joy to be welcoming him into our family for keeps, and we were so blessed because his birth mom told us that she couldn’t have him then she wanted us to have him. We have since been blessed to adopt three more precious babes into our home, but that’s a different story for a different day.
Today we are thankful. We now have a reason to celebrate on Feb. 12. We celebrate the life of our beloved boy and thank God that his birth mom loved him, wanted him. And we are thankful that he was given a chance to live life, ours are forever changed because of him.